she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You are the jesus of drinking
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
