she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
