Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
