so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
