If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
