Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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