Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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