i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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