I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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