I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
