My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
