The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
