Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
