she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
