I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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