I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Four minutes until I can fart!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
