u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
