an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
