My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
