I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
