I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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