So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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