Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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