just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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