This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
