Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
