if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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