I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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