Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
