Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just googled if crying burns calories
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
