Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
