There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
