I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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