it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
