I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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