I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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