I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No subtext here. People are naked.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
