Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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