help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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