Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
