Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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