First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
