All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
