Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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