So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
