he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
