I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Can Purell be used as lube?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
