New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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