wakey wakey hands off snakey
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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