I wish you could order shots online.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
