i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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