Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
